Getting back my spirit!

It has becoming a super-restless month. I was trapped in my courses, community development project, and orientation program. I could say that my life a little bit being ruined recently. My biologic time has changed and give impact to my academic performance. I waited up until late night, got time to sleep less than 5 hours a day. It makes me sleepy in class (and fall asleep sometimes huh). I have two big bags under my eyes. My friends told me that I looked so tired every day. Yes, I am. I'm so fatigued. I really need a pill that can fix up my energy.

Jujur, saya kecewa sama diri saya sendiri. Kenapa saya jadi gampang nyerah begini. Padahal dulu, waktu awal masuk jurusan, saya merasa bahagia dan senang bukan main. Tapi sekarang malah jadi gak semangat begini. Dulu waktu awal, saya ambisius dan on fire banget, sekarang malah jadi terlalu capek dan jadinya malas. Pulang ke kosan larut, nggak sanggup belajar, langsung tidur, ngerjain tugas kuliah baru paginya. Huaaaaaa. Saya malu banget sama diri sendiri, malu ngeliat foto papa mama yang ada di meja belajar, malu sama teman-teman lain yang sama sibuknya tapi bisa bertahan, malu sama teman yang sakit tapi tetap semangat, malu sama notice board berisi target dan rencana yang terbengkalai. Kalo udah begini, pasti nyari-nyari objek buat disalahin.


Who's to be blame that I'm so messed up now?

Apa karena kuliah yang terlalu banyak tugas?

Kalo kuliah yang harus disalahin, balik lagi ke tujuan awalmu, Din. Kamu dari Pontianak ke Bandung tujuannya mau ngapain? Kuliah kan? Bisa banggain orangtuamu pake apa kalo nggak dengan kuliah dulu yang bener sekarang? Bisa ngasi apa ke Indonesia, kalo nggak punya bekal ilmu yang didapat dari kuliah?

Terus, mau nyalahin Diklat XPM? 

Hello, Dini. You've already concerned to join this organization. It's your decision. Kamu tuh mahasiswa, Din. You have to be responsible with your own choice. Moreover, kamu gak bisa nyalahin diklat karena diklat itu emang penting banget, supaya kamu siap menjalankan misimu nanti untuk melakukan aksi nyata membangun Indonesia.

Jadi, yang salah PPAB jurusan?

Heh Din, jangan lemah deh ya, tugas-tugas PPAB sekarang itu belum seberapa kalo dibandingin sama tugas-tugas ospek jaman dulu. Lagian, PPAB itu perlu buat nyatuin satu angkatanmu yang bakal jadi keluargamu juga buat ke depannya. PPAB tuh penting untuk memantaskan dirimu buat jadi pemimpin.

Saya tau, yang salah itu waktu!

Mulai deh jadi irasional. Nyalahin waktu. Emangnya waktu bisa berubah jadi 30 jam sehari semalem atau berubah jadi 8 hari dalam seminggu, kalo kamu salahin dia?

No one should be blame but you, Din. You're still not capable in managing your time.

Nggak! Nggak ada yang salah! No one can be blame even myself.

Saya yakin, ini memang cuma masalah proses. Ketua angkatan jurusan saya pernah ngomong, "...yang penting bagaimana kita menikmati setiap prosesnya".  Eckhart Tolle juga pernah bilang, "whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it." Saya pun baru inget, saya juga pernah berada dalam keterpurukan beberapa waktu sebelum ini. Waktu TPB saya kacau banget, akhirnya bisa semangat dan bangkit lagi setelah masuk jurusan.


If I try to feel again how could I get back my spirit that time...

After a year my life have became so unmotivated, I'm getting back my spirit. After a year, I felt my life have been degraded by my own self, felt so left behind-ed. Then, I'm starting up my life again, passionate and enthusiastic. Why this all happen? Simply because I believe I got what I really want and hopefully what the best God gives me.

I finally, have a major. Geodesy and Geomatics Engineering (geospatial engineering, generally). It's a long story to get myself in here. At first year in my university's life, I want to be in Geological Engineering. Since I got my first semester GPA, I hesitated that I can't enter that major. But, I still believe and I tried hard to improve my performance in study, so I could get higher cum GPA at the second semester (God bless me, I got it). While I tried to fix my scores, I find out about other major included in my faculty, Geodesy and Geomatics, Meteorology, and Oceanography. And I realize, that actually all of these majors are really into me. So, I compared all these four major and I find out my tendency to be going to Geodesy and Geomatics Engineering. Now, here I am enjoying to be Geodesy and Geomatics Engineering student.

Kalo memang sebelumnya saya pernah terpuruk dan bangkit lagi. Berarti gak seharusnya dong saya merasa kacau dan lifeless begini. Harusnya sekarang saya bisa dong semangat lagi, ambis lagi dan on fire lagi. Harusnya sih bisa. Pasti bisa!